 I feel so protected. Looking back over my life and some decisions I have made or tried to make, I see in hindsight that if things had gone the way I wanted, it would have been a disaster for me.
This hit me last night when I finally finished watching the Hulu show, The Deep End. After this series, I was seriously turned off by Teal Swan and ready to write her off completely. But it nagged me: why would she have let all that be filmed? I did some searching and saw her side of things on YouTube. She played recordings made by her team of the same occasions Hulu recorded. Hulu did all kinds of tricky edits and splices to make things look like they happened when they didn’t, and responses were spliced into questions and comments to create an entirely untrue, different image. Also, she showed how these Hulu people misrepresented themselves with false love for her as they had built this trusting relationship over their three years of filming together. Bringing this back to me, I think of the TV show I almost had and what a gift it was that it fell apart. I also remember reading on their website that they wanted character over substance—spiritual teachings don’t sell a series. If I’d been character enough for them, I would have likely been made a fool. I think now about some relationships and other opportunities I have pursued, only to later learn of someone’s true character or to understand that I was not dreaming big enough when I tried to make something happen. I think of books I tried hard to publish; either they weren’t ready, or it wasn’t the right time. I think of how I might have destroyed myself in so many ways, like I was a toddler, playing with a big, sharp knife, and Mom snatched it away as I cried. I am protected. This was a rough summer for me, which is why you haven’t heard much. Part of it was good news: I have been getting up at 6 a.m. and typing until 9:00 p.m. to finalize my manuscript The Magician’s Girl: the history and mysticism of Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes (forthcoming with Inner Traditions). In June, my husband had knee surgery that had some complications. My mother was in a car accident, and my mother-in-law started chemo. I lost my beloved mentor, Zulfikar Ghose, to cancer, and I had to put down my ancient little cat, Mimi (over 20 years old!). All while reading tarot cards for my clients, attending weddings, and traveling. Whew. I am just back from a fantastic trip to Boston and Cape Cod, where I walked through the private residence that was Sylvia Plath’s childhood home, toured the town of Wellesley, and spent a great deal of time with a friend of the Plath family. Then, I saw Cape Cod by land and sea, stepping back to the 1950s writers’ scene and taking in that incredibly varied landscape. I have an essay coming out in the next Plath Profiles about touring the house, and I will be writing up something about Cape Cod soon. I will post links when they’re published. I’m sorry to have been gone from the blog so long, but I had to make my work priority, and I feel good about that. I hope your summer was fantastic. More soon. xo BOSTON, CAPE COD, DESIRES, HULU, MASSACHUSETTS, OPPORTUNITIES, PLATH PROFILES, PROBLEMS, SYLVIA PLATH, TEAL SWAN, THE DEEP END, THE MAGICIAN'S GIRL, WELLESLEY, WRITER, WRITING, YOUTUBE, ZULFIKAR GHOSE
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