Afterthoughts

Whew! Lots of excitement about the blog on the Missouri History Museum St. Louis Sound exhibit last week. I expected that there might be some backlash, and I got it in spades. More importantly, I also had the most wonderful reconnections and gratitude from more than a hundred people (who, if marketers can be believed with their demographic studies) represent thousands. It was interesting how many commended me for my bravery and said they did not have the courage to speak on this publicly, for fear of being ostracized themselves and from other forms of retribution. Some told me they are actively working with these people and it would be too awkward. Some were afraid of coming off like a “fanboy” or cheerleader for me or Night Times.
Now, the interesting thing is that we were not talking Trump or BLM or vaccines. That there is actual fear of one’s real opinion on MUSIC says a lot about St. Louis and social networking today: there is a lot of immaturity and ugliness–some right here in my last blog’s comments. We live in a world now where there is no debate (although I tried somewhat, on Facebook). There is backstabbing, where people pretend they’re your friend on your page and say something else about you on their own. There was character assassination, attacking my tarot, Sylvia Plath (!) and even my husband’s old band, Radio Iodine. There were straw man arguments against these 90s bands I defended for not paying back advances. WTF?! I was glad my kids are grown and gone because they might have been next. As my mentor, Zulfikar Ghose, told me, politics and positioning have been going on since ancient times and it won’t be stopping anytime soon. If I have learned one thing about myself in the almost thirty years since Night Times, it is that I have to speak my truth, even if it endangers my reputation or loses some “friends.” A reputation is what others think about you. Integrity is what you think about yourself. A true friend will stand by you and support that you must be honest and are not going to kiss ass to the cool kids. One of my ACIM colleagues compared my recent exploits to Jesus dealing with the “Scribes and Pharisees.” Ha ha.
But I’m no Jesus, and I do have an apology to make. Steve Pick explained on my Facebook page that when he said he had “a hand” in several of the music exhibits at the history museum, that his name was on various pamphlets or records. Not that he controlled the direction of the exhibit. I told him on my page that I apologize for that and I am saying it here as well (because lord knows those comment threads are long and buried). Now, I still think that the exhibit was very much a KDHX-skewed exhibit, but it was wrong of me to single out Pick (who, to his credit, was not nasty. Not to my face, anyway).
It is interesting to me how the real point of the last blog–that the nineties, with their load of talent that made national and international success, was left out completely–became mainly a fight about the canonization of Bob Reuter and The Welders. I did not say to leave either act out, just to put them in perspective. I wonder now if I had not mentioned Reuter and The Welders, would there have been half the reaction? I found it interesting that I was positioned to defend the successful–and maybe that is it right there–the exhibit wanted to perhaps present a false success to those it thinks deserved it. Fine, but it should have been billed as such with an underground tag.
Many of the bands I defended wrote me and said they don’t give a shit. They’ve got their memories, their fans, and their good lives. In some cases, they’re still selling out amphitheaters. They are past having to prove themselves to anyone and stopped caring about things like that long ago. I suppose then, that if they don’t care, then I won’t either. It did make me sad to read numerous times in public and private messages from young people who began their responses to me, “I wasn’t around in the 90s so I don’t know…” and, “I have heard a little about the scene but don’t really know who was who and what really happened.”
I didn’t want the 1990s to be lost, and it seems that it already is. And I was a huge part of it, and so a part of me is lost as well. But hey, the teachings (Buddhism, ACIM, etc.) say it’s all just illusion anyway, and who we are and what we have become from these experiences are truly what matters. And here I am, and some of you love me, and if you don’t… I guess I’ll see you around.
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1990S, A COURSE IN MIRACLES, BOB REUTER, BUDDHISM, DEBATE, FACEBOOK, INTEGRITY, KDHX, MISSOURI HISTORY MUSEUM, REPUTATION, ST. LOUIS MUSIC, ST. LOUIS SOUND, THE WELDERS